【子どものやきもち】上の子と下の子の接し方|ストレスを減らす対処法
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【子どものやきもち】上の子と下の子の接し方|ストレスを減らす対処法

【子どものやきもち】上の子と下の子の接し方|ストレスを減らす対処法

兄弟、姉妹が増えることはとても喜ばしく幸せなことだと思いますが、それと同時に今まで思わなかった心配事が出てきますよね。

それは、上のお子さんへの対応の仕方です。

今までは自分に100%の愛情を向けられていたのに、弟や妹が生まれると接する時間が半分になることからストレス・不満・イライラを起こすお子様もいるようです。

お父さん、お母さんから見たら、どちらも愛おしい我が子ですが、子どもの年齢によってわかってもらうのも大変です。

親が見ていないところで、上のお子さんが下のお子さんをつねってたりと、、、よく聞く話です。

この問題は多くのお母さんが悩まれていることかと思います。

今回はそんな問題を解決すべく、体験談も交えてまとめてみたので参考になれば幸いです。

上の子に許可(確認)をする

妹・弟が泣き出してしまった時、上の子の顔を見てみてください。

きっと「また抱っこしてもらえるんだろうなぁ・・」「赤ちゃんばっかり・・ずるい」

なんて不満そうな顔つきをしていると思います。

実際に私の娘もありました。

さっきまで機嫌よく遊んでいたのに、赤ちゃんが泣き出したとたん鋭い目つきで私を見ていることに気が付きました。

何も言わないけど「ヤキモチ妬いてるんだろうなぁ」とすぐに感じ取れました。

そこで調べた解決策の1つとして、「上の子の許可を取る」という答えがありました。

「赤ちゃん、泣いてるから抱っこしてあげていいかなぁ?」
「赤ちゃん泣いてるけど、どうしたらいいと思う?」

など、ぜひ上の子に聞いてみてください。

私も試しに実践してみました。

すると、お姉ちゃんは

「赤ちゃんは泣くのがお仕事だから、仕方ないんだよ!ママ抱っこしてあげて!」

と、さっきまで鋭い目つきで見てた娘が言い出したのです。

この方法は

*赤ちゃんはまだお喋りできない
*お喋りできないから泣いて教えてくれる
*赤ちゃんは泣くのがお仕事

等を日頃から上の子に教えてあげてると、効果が絶大みたいです◎

小さいながらに子供も考えるのでしょう。

「ママがああ言ってたな」と。

どんなにヤキモチを妬いていても、やはり自分の可愛い妹・弟には変わりがない。

お世話を手伝ってもらう

これはお姉ちゃんに効果が絶大の方法です!

ママが小さい時、お人形遊びをしてませんでしたか?

お人形を抱っこしてあやす真似をしてみたり、お母さんの真似をしてみたり、おままごとをしたり・・・。

そう、女の子は「お世話好き」なんです!

子供の頃、お母さんの存在ってすごく憧れではなかったですか?

特にママゴトのお母さん役はいつも取り合いになってましたよね。

それ利用してお母さん役を演じさせてあげましょう♩

オムツを替える時には「一緒にしょう」と誘ってあげたり、ミルクをあげるときにも一緒に哺乳瓶を持ってもらったり、抱っこも積極的にさせてあげましょう。
(上の子が座ったまま膝に赤ちゃんを乗せて、支えてあげるのが好ましいです。)

お手伝いをしてくれたら「ありがとう!ママみたいだったよ!」なんて褒めてあげると、すごく喜んで次からも積極的に赤ちゃんのお世話してくれるようになりました。

赤ちゃんと触れ合った時間分、上のお子さんも「お兄ちゃん・お姉ちゃんだ」という実感が湧いてくるので、たくさん触れ合う時間を作ってあげてくださいね♩

家族に協力してもらう

これは、1番ママが助かる方法かもしれません。

パパやおばあちゃん、おじいちゃんに協力してもらう方法です。

赤ちゃんの月齢が小さいとママも手が離せなかったりするもので、上のお子さんとの時間を作りたくても作れないですよね。

そんな時はママ一人で頑張ってはいけません。

パパを始め、たくさんの助っ人がいることを忘れないでください

上のお子さんはパパに遊んでもらったり、おじいちゃん、おばあちゃんに、い〜っぱい甘やかしてもらったり。

きっと上のお子さんも満足気に過ごせることでしょう。

ただし、忘れないでくださいね。

子供は何と言っても、どんなことがあっても、結局一番は「ママ」なんです。

パパにたくさん遊んでもらってもおじいちゃん、おばあちゃんにどんなに甘やかされても何かポツンと心に穴が空いて、物足りない気持ちになってると思います。

そんな一日の終わりには、少しの時間だけでも抱っこしてあげたり、ぎゅうって抱きしめてあげたりしましょう。

上の子と2人でお出かけしましょう

赤ちゃんがよく泣いてしまう時期はママも少し疲れてしまいますよね。ちょっとしたことでイライラする事もが増えると思います。

そんな時、パパや、おばあちゃん、おじいちゃんに赤ちゃんを任せて、たまには二人で思いっきり出かけてみましょう!

「赤ちゃんを預ける=無責任」だと思われがちで、預けるというのはマイナスイメージな言葉だと認識されがちな世の中ですが、たまに必要な時もあるんです。

「預ける」という言葉に迷っているママさん、上のお子さんとの二人の時間、とても懐かしいですよね。

私はたまにそういう時間があってもいいと思っています。

久しぶりにママとの二人の時間、上のお子さんのとびきりな笑顔が見れそうですね◎

子供のストレスを理解する

子供って無邪気なように見えて、実はたくさん我慢したり、抱え込んでしまったりすることもあるんです。

しかも気を使って、ママには気付かれないようにしたり、ママに素直に話せなかったり、、、

子供は隠すのがうまいので変化に気付いてあげられない事もあると思います。

大人と同様、子供もずっとストレスを抱えていると体調など壊しかねないので、どんなに忙しい中でも「分かりづらい変化」に気付いてあげることが大切です。

「どうしたの?」と軽く聞いてあげるだけでもすごく嬉しいと思います♩

本音は聞き出せなくても、それを察してできるだけたくさんの触れ合いをしましょう。

また、ストレスが溜まった時には行動にも出る場合が多いです。

私の娘は、ある日突然爪を噛み始めました。

今までそんなことなかったのに「おかしいなあ~」と思いつつ調べてみると、ストレスからそういった行動を起こす事もあるようです。

唇の皮を剥いだり髪の毛を抜いたりと症状は様々出るので注意してください。

私の場合は、パパと一日ずつ交代で娘と遊ぶ時間を作ってあげるとその症状はなくなりました。

子供ながらに色々我慢させてしまう時もあると思いますが、アフターケアがとても大事です。

ママの気持ちを伝えること

子どもが我慢しているのか、何も言ってこないので分からない。と思ってるママさん。

実はお子さんも一緒なんですね。

ママからの愛情が伝わってこないから不安になったり、心配になったりするようです。

そういう時はママから先に気持ちを伝えましょう。

赤ちゃんも大事だけど、同じだけあなたも大事だということを言葉で伝えます。

心の中で思っていても、言葉にしないと「想い」は伝わりません。

分かっていても、不安になることくらい大人だってありますよね?

言葉で伝えるだけで、大きな不安は一気に解消されると思います。(ハグ付きだとなお良し◎)

上のお子さんも今はお兄ちゃん、お姉ちゃんになったけど、最初は下のお子さんと同じ、赤ちゃんでしたね。

その子が立派なお兄ちゃん、お姉ちゃんになっていると思うと、愛おしさを伝えられずにはいられないのがママですよね。

たまには、上のお子さんが赤ちゃんだった時の話をしてあげるとすごく喜びます。

私の娘は、下の子にミルクや抱っこしたりすると、

「私が赤ちゃんの時もいっぱい抱っこした?」
「赤ちゃんのとき、いっぱい泣いてた?」

とよく聞いてきます。

上のお子さんが赤ちゃんだった時も、下のお子さんと同じ「こんなふうにしてたんだよ」と伝えることで、上のお子さんが自分もこんなに愛してもらっていたんだという自信を持てるのではないでしょうか。

まとめ

どんなお子さんもお母さんが大好きだからゆえに起こす行動だということを忘れないのが大事ですね◎

そう思うと、どんなに赤ちゃん返りしたってワガママが倍増したって愛おしく感じてきませんか?

時間的に余裕がない中で、ついイライラしてしまったり、ワガママ倍増中の我が子を、ガツンと怒りたくなる気持ちもあるかと思います。

「何回同じこと言えば分かるとね!」なんて言ってませんか?笑

が、そんな上のお子さんも最初は赤ちゃんだったんですよね。

そう振り返ると、「大きくなったなあ」「もうお兄ちゃん、お姉ちゃんか」と少し心の余裕が出てくるのではないでしょうか。

人生の中で、お子さんを抱っこしている時間ってすごく短いですよね。

抱っこできている今が幸せなんだということを忘れずに、まずは、心にゆとりを持って生活することを心がけてみてくださいね。

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